#9 Strangerrr

A watch is on his wrist. Harold brushes his teeth with a toothbrush. He ties a knot in his tie. He has a brush for his coat. He carries a briefcase and holds an apple in his mouth. He runs to the bus stop. He holds his cup of coffee. There are a specific number of dishes in his kitchen.

Harold turns off the alarm on his clock. He brushes his teeth: first side to side, then up and down. He ties his necktie in a single knot, then brushes his jacket off. He runs to the bus, but only steps on the white of the crosswalk. He exchanges a few silent words with a coworker. During lunch, he looks over some brochures. On his walk home, he still on steps on the white. He takes his watch off before falling asleep.

#8 Animals

Long necks stretch toward me
A black, slimy tongue slurps food
Left are only crumbs

Galloping with grace
Hooves become clotted with dirt
She clings to his mane

Crawling up the wall
Descending from silky string
Weaving a white web

#7 Skydiving Grandpas

On June 11th is the most anticipated holiday of the year. It's called Health Day. Every June 11th, from 12am to 11:59pm, everyone has flawless health. Injuries are temporarily healed. Heart attacks are postponed. Cancer patients experience a day with no restrictions. Traditions mean doing absolutely crazy activities. Nursing homes take a fieldtrip to go skydiving. Grandparents and their grandchildren play nightgames together. The whole thing is like Make-A-Wish times three. Instead of concerning the health of patients and money to provide the wishes they desire, there will be no money restraints. Health Day originated in 1991 when a doctor found a way to send universal health through satellites. Unfortunately, this health care only lasts for 24 hours and it takes a full year to generate enough power so we savor the day. People make plans and reservations to do daring things a year in a half. Health Day is meant to give people the last chance to do that one crazy thing and spend just a little more time with family and friends.

#6 Enough of That!

An intricately decorated, vanilla frosted, chocolate cake sits in front of you. The candles are flickering and you prepare to wish for those Legos or that Barbie you've been dying for. Your friends surround the table in anticipation of their slice of the cake. One brave voice leads the others in unison. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy bir-" and a squeal of twenty seperate pitches burst through the air and the flames waver in front of you. The song is finished, uncertain of where it began and you don't even remember what you meant to wish for so you switch your wish. You wish that singing off-key was illegal. That's the law I would love to put into effect. The reason this should be a law is that most people who sing poorly don't even realize it. They constantly embarrass themselves without knowledge of it and call attention to the unattractive quality. Those of us who are able to sing well and know the difference between a B flat and a D sharp are the ones who realize it. We are also constantly annoyed by it. Just one voice can throw off an entire group of singers. This tends to anger the on-key singers of the group. Singing off key can cause pain in other people and that makes it worthy of being a law. The word would be a happier place if everyone could hit the right notes, especially in the singing of joyful tune such as Happy Birthday.

#5 The Cadolphin

The cadolphin is a mix between a cat and a dolphin. Cats hate water and dolphins need to live in water. For these reasons, the cadolphin has numerous internal conflicts. It is forced to live in the water but stays above for short pieces of time. The cadolphin has webbed paws and a tail that acted as a tail fin. The majority of his body was slippery like a dolphin with polka dots of fur. The cadolphin loves tuna and eats it all the time. Cats alone love to eat tuna, but it's in short supply without the help of a human. There is an abundance of tuna underwater and cadolphins are constantly satisfied. Cadolphins have interesting pattern behaviors. They are shy from visitors, but they love to show off. This creates yet another internal conflict. Cadolphins are interesting creatures and research is still being done as to their reproduction efficiency.

#4 Gotta have it!!

Created by Whatchamacallit Tissues, the Snot Hat is an absolute necessity. With a constant supply of tissues resting on your scalp, it is excellent for cold season. Are you tired of carrying a messy handkerchief or a large box of tissues? Who wants to find the nearest bathroom to find thin, useless tissue paper? YOU decide which brand you like blowing your nose with the best. Do you like heavy duty tissue? Don't worry! The Snot Hat comes with an extender to suit even the biggest rolls. With a padded chin strap and crown, it is the most comfortable fit on the market. It comes in a variety of colors to fit every sweater you could possibly own. Once you try a Snot Hat on, you'll never go back to old, outdated methods. Buy your own today! We guarantee, you'll never have a runny nose again!!

#3 Salty Air

I can taste the salt in the air, even though I'm thousands of feet away from the water.  The blues of the ocean sing to me, telling a story that seems so close to my reality.  The water wants to be freed from the depths of sand.  With every wave that breaks onto the shore, it yearns to continue forward.  Every time it is pulled back down into the rush of sand and rocks, away from opportunity.  This is where I come when I need to get away from people, work, or just life.  I feel secure here although I'm a few stories above the ground.  I know no one can reach me and I cannot see anyone.  I forget that I am not the only one living on this Earth.  I occasionally wish I was the only one living here, light-years away from anyone who would ever judge what they see in me.  How would I miss people if I had never felt connected to any of them?  All I see, taste, hear, and smell is the water brushing onto the shore, the leaves bristling against each other, the wind calling my name.  My surroundings are my acquaintances and they are all I need here.  I can sit on the ledge and know that the wind will be blowing my hair back, making sure that I won't become unsteady in the wrong direction.  The humidity rising from the water keeps my lips moist and my eyes bright.  I am content now, but I know I must return to reality and reality must return to me.  Life.

#2 Totally Awesome Fansite!!

So I was looking at this fansite of me, and there's only one thing I can say about it. That's hot. I'm totally kidding because there's so much to say about it...because it's all about everything I do. It has a ton of pictures of me so I can look at how good I look. There are advertisements for things that people totally don't need but they can make them hotter so...whatever. They also have the clothes that I designed that look super good on me because I weigh like 90 pounds. They might not look good on you so you might want to lose like 60 pounds before you try any of them. So this site also has tons of information about me which makes it really easy for people to stalk me but that's all right because I know they're true fans at heart. Oh and you guys should also check me out on TV. I have my own TV show where I talk about me and I look hot in it. If you saw me when I did that one show about doing nasty jobs that's awesome. I look even hotter now because I got a nose job that cost like $600,000. I'm trying to convince the people who made this site to like set up a webcam for me so people can see me every second of every day of my life. I totally think people would watch it like all the time. I know I would if I wasn't busy living. They need more pictures of my super cute dog that I bring everywhere. Other than that, this site is hot. Check it out bitches.

Ciao!!

#1 The Out-of-this-Universe Key

Kindergarteners:  

There is a man, a window, and a key.  The key is floating.  The man is reaching for the key.  The key starts up his spaceship.  He flies around all of the stars.  His body is on the moon up in the sky.  He only brought his arm and his head with him.  Hopefully the key will float toward him and not away from him.  If it floats away from him, his body is stuck on the moon.

Space Aliens:

Greetings.  Dorien is reaching for his key which seems to be trapped in a zero-gravity area.  The key starts his spaceship and he is constantly dropping it!  If it floats toward him, we'll all be happy.  If it floats away from him, you may need to be patient with us.  His body is still stranded on Jupiter.  If you wouldn't mind taking care of it, we'd be forever in debt to you.  Oh, and his left arm reportedly is separated from the rest of his body.